Our First Fight

Act One | Act Two | Act Three

Billy stares up at her, dumbstruck. She stalks back to her corner. Duke and Slab call to Billy from the sidelines.

DUKE
Get up!
SLAB
Stay down!

BILLY
That's it. I am so outta here.

Billy gets up and starts to step out of the ring.

LENA
(loudly:)
You leave this ring before this fight is over and you're the biggest wimp that ever lived!

The echo of her words reverberates around the gym, and Billy looks up to see that the rest of the men in the place have taken a sudden interest in the fight. As Billy stands there, scowling, the BELL SOUNDS, ending the round. Duke and Slab climb into the ring.

DUKE
Come over here!

He motions Billy back to his corner, and Slab slides a stool under him. They start working him like corner men, massaging him and toweling him off.

DUKE (cont.)
You gonna let a woman whup you like that? Ain't ya got no pride?

SLAB
You gotta keep your left hand up and out in her face.

DUKE
She's got a weak chin. I've seen it. You plant one one her, and I guarantee you, she'll go down.

BILLY
What are you saying? You want me to beat up a woman?

DUKE
That's no woman.

SLAB
She's the Black Widow.

BILLY
The "Black Widow"??

DUKE
Three months ago, she brought some poor sap in here and beat the tar outta him.

BILLY
You're kidding me.

SLAB
By the time she was done, the guy needed a friggin' organ donor.

BILLY
That's it.

He starts to unlace his gloves.

DUKE
Billy... Billy!!

Billy ignores him and keeps trying to get out of his gear. Duke slaps Billy across the face.

BILLY
Did you just hit me?

DUKE
You're not listening!

BILLY
Don't do that.

DUKE
Billy, listen to me. I remember a time when a woman wasn't allowed to even set foot in this gym, much less get in the ring. You're fightin' for men everywhere, and your own self-respect.

Billy eyes lock with the old man's. The BELL announces the start of the next round.

SLAB
You can do it, Billy. Just do what Duke tells ya. He's the best trainer in the bizness.

BILLY
But she's a girl! What if I hit her... you know... in the breasts, or something?

DUKE
The women wear a padded athletic bra for protection.

BILLY
Really?

(pause)
Should I have one?

Lena calls to him from across the ring.

LENA
Hey, Mary! While we're young, huh?

Some "OOHHS" and "AAHHS from the men around the gym.

Billy stands and marches to the center of the ring. Slab and Duke watch and wince as we hear fists STRIKING flesh, and Billy HITTING THE CANVAS. Billy gets to his feet and the fight continues, Lena circling patiently and professionally; Billy flitting comically around, trying desperately not to get creamed. As they spar, they exchange verbal jabs:

BILLY
Can't we talk this out like rational adults?

LENA
Billy... you broke my heart. Now I'm gonna break your face.

She lets loose another volley of punches.

CUT TO:

INT. - SLAB & DUKE at ringside engaged in a philosophical debate...

SLAB
...but if we don't allow women a place alongside us, can we truly be whole as men?

DUKE
It's not the natural order of things!

SLAB
Oh! Natural Law! There you go, always with Natural Law!!

DUKE
Even Nietzsche acknowledged Natural Law!

INT. - BACK IN THE RING...

...Lena is still stalking Billy.

LENA
Isn't this much better, Billy? No mind games, no dishonesty. Just you 'n me, dukin' it out.

BILLY
Yeah, that's nice. I think you have a bipolar disorder.

LENA
You still don't get it, do you?

Just a blank stare from Billy.

LENA (cont.)
I'm going to have your respect...even if I have to beat it out of you.

Lena swarms all over Billy, pummeling him mercilessly.

MONTAGE OF SHOTS

Body punches... head punches... RINGING BELLS announce new rounds... still Lena's killing him... jabs... uppercuts... he's nearly had it.

INT. - BACK IN BILLY'S CORNER

The BELL RINGS and Billy wanders around the ring in a daze. Slabgoes out and guides him back to the corner. Billy touches his nosewith the back of his glove and smears a trickle of blood.

BILLY
I'm bleeding. Oh God, I'm bleeding.

SLAB
Ahh, you're fine.

BILLY
I just switched HMO's. I'm not covered
for this!

DUKE
What're you doin' out there? You fight like my sister.

SLAB
And she's been dead, how long, Duke?

DUKE
Ten years! You gotta keep your right foot planted when you throw your hook!

Billy looks on silently, in a stupor.

SLAB
And I told ya', keep your left up.

He lifts Billy's left arm. When he lets go, it flops limply back to his side.

DUKE
And protect your face.

Slab keeps lifting Billy's left arm.

SLAB
I said keep your left up!

It flops down again. Slab repeats this routine a few times while Duke keeps barking crash-course boxing tips at Billy. Lena sits in her corner, cool and collected. Waiting.

DUKE
Listen to me! You have to forget that she's a woman, now. I want you to go out there and really try to hit her.

BILLY
I've been trying for the last three rounds!!!

The BELL RINGS and Lena stands ready for more.

DUKE
Here's what I want you to do. Keep throwing left jabs. Nothing but left jabs. As soon as you land one, I want you to step in and throw a right.

Over previous: Slab starts pinching Billy's nose to try to stemthe flow of blood.

BILLY
Ow.

(Slabs keeps working it)
Ow. OW!! "OW" as in "stop that"!

LENA
C'mon, let's go!!!

Duke shoves Billy out into the center of the ring. Lena immediatelystarts throwing killer punches.

SLAB
Keep your left up!!!

Finally, Billy listens and keeps her at bay with a stiff left arm. He stabs weakly at her head, and she ducks easily. But as long as his left arm is up, she has a hard time boxing around it.

DUKE
Keep jabbin'!!!

Annoyed, Lena brushes aside another of Billy's weak jabs.

LENA
Why don't you just give up? You're good at that.

BILLY
No way.

Exasperated, she flings his outstretched arm to one side.

LENA
C'mon Billy. For once in your life, fight like a man.

Incensed, Billy throws one quick jab that slips through, stunning her for a second. Remembering Duke's tip, Billy immediately steps in and throws a right hook to her head that sends her lunging into the ropes. Billy lets out a cheer:

BILLY
Yes!!!

DUKE & SLAB
More!! Keep going!!

Billy steps to her and starts throwing some awkward punches, but with Lena momentarily dazed, they land.
Now, Billy has the upper hand and he starts taunting her with every punch:

BILLY
Not so tough now, huh? ...I paid for dinner...
(He punches)
...I opened doors for you...
(another punch)
...I even put down the toilet seat... and this is the thanks I get??

He starts showboating, winding up his left fist like a windmill.

BILLY (cont.)

You see it comin'? You see it comin'? Well, surprise! It's comin' over HERE!

He hits her with a nasty right instead.The BELL RINGS, ending the round, but Billy keeps swarming Lena with punches. Slab jumps in and hauls Billy back to his corner. As he's carried away like a rag doll, Billy keeps yelling toward Lena, in a tough, fighter voice:

BILLY (cont.)
I ain't through with you!!! You goin' DOWN, BITCH!!!