Our First Fight

OUR FIRST FIGHT

By
Jeff Jackson

EXT. - DAY - A CITY STREET CORNER

XCU: LENA'S FACE

LENA is a pretty, well-toned woman in her mid-20's. Her face is
stern and steely -- she's waiting for someone and it's clear that
they're late.

A pair of hands reaches from behind and playfully covers her eyes.
Lena starts for an instant, then smiles calmly.

BILLY

Guess who.

LENA

JFK, Jr.?

BILLY

Oooh. Very close. Try again.

LENA

One of the better Baldwins?

BILLY

You're toying with me, you magnificent
goddess-slash-vixen.

BILLY spins her around and embraces her. Billy is about the same age, slender -- but not athletic. He kisses her and her response is icy. Lena is dressed in workout clothes and carries a duffel bag.

LENA

You're late. I thought you might stand me up.

BILLY

Why would you think that?

LENA

You didn't call me for three weeks after our last date.

BILLY

No way. I... left a message on your machine.

LENA

I don't have a machine.

BILLY

Which is why it's impossible to reach you. I called a dozen times. Never an answer.

(snuggling playfully)

Besides, I'm here now. What should we do? It's our fourth date, you know. I think it's time we slept together.

LENA

We slept together on our third date.

BILLY

I propose we sleep together on every date.

LENA

I invited you to work out with me.

BILLY

Oh, it could be a workout.

She pushes him away and slings her duffel bag over her shoulder.

LENA

Cut it out. Let's go.

They start to walk down the block.

EXT. - A FEW MINUTES LATER

Lena leads him toward an old, brick building with a small sign above the door: "NEWHART'S GYM".

BILLY

You know, I'm breaking a long-standing policy against unnecessary sweating.

LENA

I feel so special.

As they enter, Billy cranes to read the sign.

BILLY

Where are we? This isn't Lucille Roberts.

INT. - INSIDE THE GYM

LENA

This is it.

Billy surveys the stark, dreary gym. One man is boxing with a speed bag. Another is jumping rope. A few older men sit in a corner in quiet conversation. It looks like something from out of the 40's.

The centerpiece of the huge room is a regulation boxing ring.

BILLY

Understated elegance.

As Lena leads Billy across the gym, they catch the attention of two men in the corner. SLAB, a young palooka the size of a moose, taps DUKE, an old, black man of about 70, on the shoulder.

SLAB

Hey, Duke. Look.

Duke takes a moment to focus, and then recognizes Lena.

DUKE

Damn. Not again.

Billy follows Lena to a bench near the ring, where she parks her stuff.

BILLY

What, do they have a step class in a back room or something?

LENA

No. We're here to box.

BILLY

Box?! Each other?

LENA

No, our winter clothes. Of course with each other.

BILLY

Oh, no, no, no.

LENA

Why not? It's fun.

BILLY

You box?

LENA

All the time. It's a great cardio workout.Aerobics is for the sissy girls.

BILLY

And you expect me to put on boxing gloves, get in the ring and hit you??

LENA

I can't believe you. You're actually getting upset.

BILLY

Well, what do you want? I just found outI'm dating Leon Spinks.

LENA

It's just sparring. We'll have gloves on... headgear... What, are you afraid I might knock you out?

BILLY

Yeah, right.

LENA

So let's do it.

SLAB and DUKE approach. Duke barks angrily at Lena:

DUKE

Lena, you don't have this ring booked.

LENA

Name's on the clipboard. --L. Munson.

She pokes a clipboard nailed to the wall. Duke examines it.

DUKE

That's you? I told you last time I didn't want you doin' this no more.

BILLY

What's the problem?

DUKE

This is official gym business, son.

As Lena and Duke continue bickering, Slab pulls Billy to one side.

SLAB

You ever box before?

BILLY

No.

SLAB

Sweet Jesus Christ. Lemme give ya some advice.
(He leans in to whisper:)
Leave.

BILLY

What?

SLAB

Leave! Get outta here. I'm beggin' ya.

Lena throws some boxing gloves and headgear at Billy and leads himtoward the ring.

LENA

C'mon, Billy. Let's go.

Billy stares back at the two men quizzically as he climbs into the ring with Lena.

DUKE

I ain't cleanin' it up, I'll tell you that!

BILLY

What's their problem?

LENA

Nothing. They're old fashioned about women boxing.

BILLY

What, they're afraid I'm going to hurt you?

LENA

Yeah, something like that.

BILLY

Well, they have nothing to worry about. I have no intention of hitting you whatsoever. We'll dance around, we'll have a nice little workout, and that's it.

LENA

Sure, it's all in fun.

BILLY

'cause I do not hit women. It's one of my better qualities.

LENA

Well, don't worry. I'm completely protected. So, you know how to do this?

BILLY

You kidding? I've seen Rockys one through, like, eleven, at least.

LENA

Wonderful. Just keep your hands up, and keep moving. And don't be afraid to hit me. We'll set the clock for two-minute rounds.

BILLY

Oh, just like the big time, eh?
This is cool.

He starts to jump around and shadow box with the air. He jokingly stumbles across the ring, screaming out in his best Stallone:

BILLY (cont.)

YO, AD-RI-ENNNNE!!!

Duke and Slab look on with dread in their eyes. Lena glares at Billy from under her headgear.

BILLY (cont.)

Look at you! You're adorable in your little head thingy!

LENA

Yeah, yeah. You ready to throw some leather?

BILLY

Yes!--some what?

LENA

Leather.

BILLY

Sure.

He isn't quite following her. She takes a step toward her corner, and he starts to go with her.

LENA

We're going to start now.

BILLY

Oh. I go over there?

She shoos him to his corner. She sets the round clock, and the BELL SOUNDS. They dance casually toward the center and then start circling each other, fists raised lightly.

BILLY

I see what you mean by the cardiovascular workout. This is fun!

LENA

Isn't it?

Billy breaks into some fancy footwork that's a blend between Muhammad Ali and Cyd Charisse.

LENA (cont.)

You all warmed up?

BILLY

Yeah, I think so!

LENA

You sure you're ready?

BILLY

Do your worst.

With that, Lena steps toward him, head fakes him out of position, lands a combination of vicious body blows, and finishes with a wicked right cross to the chin. Billy stumbles away from her, and throws up his hands.

BILLY (cont.)

HOLD IT!! WAIT A MINUTE!!

Slab and Duke start to cross toward the ring.

DUKE

Here she goes again.

SLAB

Damn, he looks like a bleeder.

Lena continues to dance menacingly toward Billy, and he scurries away from her.

BILLY

What are you doing??!?

LENA

We're boxing. What's the matter? Can't take it?

She lands a few more winners on him.

BILLY

OWW! Are you nuts?! Do you want me to clock you one?!

LENA

...G'head and try.

He swings wildly. Lena easily ducks the punch. She dazes him with a flurry of punches and then scores a haymaker that drops him like a rock. From his back, Billy pleads...

BILLY

Why are you doing this??

She stands over him and whispers:

LENA

Because you thought you could screw me and not call me for three weeks, you pathetic jerk.

Act One | Act Two | Act Three